Grief on a Team After a Death: What Actually Helps

A coworker has died, and suddenly the office feels strangely quiet. Nobody's sure what to say. Some people avoid the topic completely. Some people only whisper about it. And maybe you're standing there too, thinking: what am I actually supposed to do right now?

That's exactly what this piece is about. Not theory, but actual words and actual actions, for coworkers and for managers.

I spent eleven years at Booking.com before I became a grief counselor. I know both sides of this: the pressure to keep functioning professionally, while wrestling with a real loss internally. Today I run workshops on grief at work for companies, including Audi.What I see over and over is this: it's rarely a lack of good intentions. It's a lack of knowing what to actually do.

In short: Grief on a team after a death is one of the most underestimated situations in working life.

What happens when a coworker dies?

A death on a team doesn't just affect the closest coworkers. Even people who only worked alongside the person occasionally can be surprised by how much it hits them. Work is a place where we spend a huge amount of time together, sometimes more than with our own families. A loss there cuts deep.

There's also a layer that rarely exists outside of work: the job keeps going. Deadlines don't move. Clients expect answers. Meetings are already on the calendar. Grieving and functioning often have to happen at the same time at work, and that's a real strain that almost never gets talked about openly.

Why does grief on a team so often go unspoken?

Most people have never learned how to handle death and grief at work. So a lot of teams default to the easiest option: silence. The person's desk sits untouched for days because nobody knows whose job it is to clear it. Meetings carry on like nothing happened. The person's name barely gets said out loud anymore.

That's rarely about indifference. It comes from uncertainty, from fear of saying the wrong thing, from worrying that grief doesn't look "professional" at work. But that same uncertainty leaves grieving coworkers feeling even more alone, right in the middle of a room full of people.

I write more about why grief needs room at work too in Working While Grieving: Is Grief Even Allowed Here?.

What you can say and do as a coworker?

You don't need perfect words. What helps most are simple, honest sentences:

• "I'm really sad about [Name]'s death. How are you holding up?"

• "I don't know exactly what to say, but I wanted you to know I'm thinking of you."

• "If you want to talk, or just don't want to be alone, I'm here."

Avoid lines like "they're in a better place now" or "at least they're not suffering anymore." Those are usually well-meant, but they often land as brushing past the pain instead of comforting it. The same goes for "time heals all wounds." Time alone doesn't heal anything. What matters is what you do with that time.

For more ideas, see How to Support Someone Who Is Grieving: What to Say and Do.

What should managers do in the first few days?

The first 48 hours

As a manager, you carry extra responsibility in the hours right after a death, even if organizing anything is the last thing you feel capable of doing.

Here's what matters most: tell the team directly and in person, not through a mass email with no warning. Give the team room to sit with the news before work just carries on as usual. Figure out early who's handling the practical side, like staying in touch with the family or how the team can attend a funeral.

And just as important: don't pressure anyone to get back to "normal" right away. People grieve at different speeds and in different ways. Some throw themselves into work because it gives them structure. Others need a few days off. Both are fine.

Also work out with the team whether and how to inform clients or outside partners, if the person was client-facing. That takes some of the burden off the team having to sort that out on their own in the middle of a crisis. And remember, you're allowed to grieve too, as a manager. You don't have to be the composed one holding everything together while you're falling apart on the inside.

What companies can do beyond the first few days is in Grief in the Workplace: How Employers Can Support Grieving Employees.

The empty desk: how a team handles visible reminders

The empty desk. The jacket still hanging on the chair. A calendar full of meetings that will never happen. These details are easy to underestimate in a team's grief process, but they carry real weight.

There's no universally right answer for how fast a desk should be cleared. Too fast can feel like the person is simply being erased. Leaving it untouched too long can be hard for some people on the team to bear, because it keeps the loss constantly visible. The best approach is talking about it openly as a team and deciding together, instead of quietly leaving it to one person to figure out.

Some teams choose a small, intentional ritual: a candle at the desk, a shared photo, a moment of silence at the next team meeting. It doesn't need to be elaborate. But it gives the team a way to acknowledge the loss together, instead of quietly stepping around it.

How can you support grief on a team over time?

Most of the support shows up in the first week: condolences, maybe flowers from the team, an email to everyone. After that, attention usually fades fast, even though grief for the person's closest coworkers is often just getting started.

What actually helps: check in weeks or even months later, especially around the first anniversary. Pay attention if someone on the team starts withdrawing or seems noticeably different. That can be a sign they need more support. And make it clear that the person can still be talked about, in stories, in memories, as part of the normal flow of work.

A team that deals openly with a loss usually grows closer because of it. A team that stays silent about it tends to carry that unspoken weight for a long time, even once nobody's talking about it anymore.

I explain why there’s no fixed timeline in How Long Does Grief Last? Why There’s No Fixed Timeline.

What changes when the death was sudden?

A sudden death, from an accident or suicide, puts a team in an especially hard position. There's no warning, no time to brace for it. The shock usually runs deeper, and the questions in people's heads get louder: should someone have noticed something? Could anyone have done anything differently?

In situations like this, it's especially important to offer the team professional support early on, whether that's outside grief counseling or immediate crisis support. That's not a sign of weakness on the team. It's a necessary step when something happens that's simply bigger than what coworkers can hold on their own.

Even with an expected death, after a long illness, don't underestimate what it takes on the team. Some coworkers have already said their goodbyes internally before the death happens. Others are caught completely off guard despite the warning. Both reactions are normal, and both need different amounts of space.

How a sudden loss can affect the body and nervous system is something I cover in How to Deal With Trauma After a Sudden Death: A Practical Guide.

If you or someone on your team doesn’t know how to get through today, or is having thoughts of suicide: in the US, call or text 988 to reach the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, any time. In Germany, call the Telefonseelsorge at 0800 111 0 111. Anywhere else, contact your local emergency number.

For teams and companies, I offer workshops on grief at work. For individual coworkers, there’s grief counseling and grief groups.

Frequently asked questions about grief on a team after a death

What do you say when a coworker dies?

A simple, honest sentence works best, something like "I'm really sad about this loss, and I wanted you to know I'm thinking of you." You don't need perfect words. Genuine care matters more than getting the phrasing exactly right.

Do you have to go to a coworker's funeral?

That's not an obligation, it's a personal choice that depends on your relationship with the person. If you can't attend or don't want to, you can still show you care in other ways, like a card or a personal message to the family.

How much time should a team get to grieve?

There's no fixed amount. What matters is that managers don't push the team to rush back to "normal," and instead stay in conversation with the team about how much space is actually needed.

What should happen to a deceased coworker's desk or workspace?

There's no one right answer. It's best handled by talking about it openly as a team, rather than deciding quietly without input, so nobody feels overlooked.

What if nobody on the team is talking about a coworker's death?

Name the silence directly, in a team meeting or in a conversation with your manager. Often several people on the team are waiting for someone else to go first.

Does it matter if the death was sudden versus after a long illness?

Yes. A sudden death usually hits a team harder and with no time to prepare, while an expected death after illness often triggers grief reactions on the team well before the person actually dies. Both situations need space, but a sudden loss more often calls for outside, professional support.

Grief at work is never just one person's issue. It affects the whole team, even when not everyone shows it the same way or as loudly. The more openly a company handles it, the more easily each person finds their own way back to their routine, without having to hide the loss. That's true for small teams and large companies alike, where grief can otherwise quietly get lost in the noise of everyday work.

If your company needs support around grief at work, you can reach out here.

About the author: Theres Kirisits is a certified grief counselor and the founder of t.rau*raum. She offers grief counseling and grief groups online, in German or English, including weekends and holidays, with a first appointment within 48 hours. She also runs workshops on grief in the workplace. More about Theres